Stupeur lors de notre petit tour sur le web ce matin. Une lettre ouverte a été adressée à Kanye West par une Association de Boulangers français. En cause, l’égo surdimensionné du rappeur US et son impuissance face à des croissants mettant trop de temps à arriver sur sa table, situation énervante, qu’il n’a pas hésité à raconter dans le morceau “I Am A God” présent sur son dernier album.
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In a French-ass restaurant/Hurry up with my damn croissants
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Il n’en fallait pas plus pour cette fausse association (domicilié au 900 ?! Rue Vieille du Temple) pour prendre la défense de ce symbole national : le croissant, avec le message principal suivant : Kanye t’es peut être un dieu, mais tu vas attendre tes croissants comme tout le monde, car les croissants ça prend du temps et c’est même cela qui les rend bon. Petite tête. (Le petite tête a été rajouté par la rédaction de Konbini).
Lettre pour la défense du croissant
An Open Letter to Kanye West from the Association of French Bakers
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Regarding Croissants in “I am a God”
Association of French Bakers
900 Rue Vielle du Temple
Paris FRANCE
To Monsieur Kanye West:
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Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, Nord! This is a truly auspicious time for you — and so it is with great sadness that we must lodge a formal complaint against the song “I am a God” from your new album Yeezus.
Our organization represents bakers across France, many of whom have taken great offense at this particular rhyming couplet:
“In a French-ass restaurant
Hurry up with my damn croissants”
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Assuming you, as a man of means, dine exclusively at high-end restaurants and boulangeries during your voyages to Paris, it could not be possible that the delay of your “damn” croissants originated from slow service. And certainly, you are not a man to be satisfied with pre-made croissants from the baked goods case reheated and tossed out on a small platter. No — you had demanded your croissants freshly baked, to be delivered to your table straight out of the oven piping hot.
And it was with great joy you ordered croissants — not crêpes or brioches — because only croissants can proudly claim that exquisite combination of flaky crust and a succulent center. The croissant is dignified — not vulgar like a piece of toast, simply popped into a mechanical device to be browned. No — the croissant is born of tender care and craftsmanship. Bakers must carefully layer the dough, paint on perfect proportions of butter, and then roll and fold this trembling croissant embryo with the precision of a Japanese origami master.
This process, as you can understand, takes much time. And we implore the patience of all those who order croissants. You may be familiar with the famous French expression, “A great croissant is worth waiting a lifetime for.” We know you are a busy man, M. West, but we believe that your patience for croissants will always be rewarded.
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We could easily let this water pass under the bridge, as they say, but we take your lyrics very seriously. From the other lines in the song, we have come to understand that you may in fact be a “God.” Yet if this were the case — and we, of course, take you at your word — we wonder why you do not more frequently employ your omnipotence to change time and space to better suit your own personal whims. For us mere mortals, we must wait the time required for the croissant to come to perfect fruition, but as a deity, you can surely alter the bread’s molecular structure faster than the speed of light, no? And with your omniscience, perhaps you have something to teach us about the perfect croissant. We await your guidance and insights.
We appreciate your continued patronage of French culture. (Your frequent references to menage perhaps speak an interest in the structure of the French household?) We hope from the deepest recesses of our hearts, however, that in the future you give croissants the time they need to fully mature before you partake. With that, we say, adieu. And our member Louis Malpass from Le Havre wants you to know that he loves “Black Skinhead.”
Salutations cordiales
Bernard Aydelotte
Association of French Bakers
Cette lettre, hilarante et truffée de références un peu cheap, un peu cool est un coup de maître en termes de communication. On vous tiendra bien sûr au courant de l’identité de son auteur, le Bernard Aydelotte en question restant introuvable.
La machine internet en marche
Évidemment Kanye West + Blague + Superficialité + Ego Trip = web déchainé. Les mèmes, les gifs et autres ne cessent de déferler sur le web depuis que cette histoire est sortie. Voici un petit florilège des trucs les plus moches trouvés à propos de cette histoire. Si quelqu’un peut dire aux scénaristes de South Park et à leur Gay Fish qu’ils nous manquent, ce serait cool.
On se laisse tout de même avec le morceau I Am A God de Kanye West qui a sans doute signé avec ce dernier album, un des trucs le plus novateurs que le game ait connu ces dernières années.
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